…because it’s the equivalent of pinching myself to make sure I can still feel
To make sure my nerves aren’t dying
To make sure I’m still here
And by here, I mean, HERE. Not following a carved out path, not forcing myself into an ill-fitting mold, but HERE in my own space, being myself. Embracing myself.
Singing is the only way.
Technically, music is the only way. When I think about it, I actually don’t care specifically about singing. I enjoy it-and when I hit melody just riiiiight, my soul takes off-but it isn’t singing itself that moves me. It’s just music, all of its elements: melodies, beats, instruments, etc. It all moves me and listens to me in a way that…in a way that most humans do not. Therefore, now, I try to sing. And now I’m trying harder to make sure I’m not the only audience. Currently, I sing for me, because this is one of two ways that allows me to release the words trapped deep in my heart.
So technically, I don’t have to share it right?
I’ve realized I was wrong about that. I’ve realized my fear and insecurity were both wrong about that. To keep these lyrics to myself almost seems selfish, when I consider that there might be someone else out there who really needs to hear these words, so that they know they’re not alone in feeling the way that they do. Besides, in my perception, music is meant to connect people and it’s difficult to connect people if the adhesive never shows up.