…it’s taking me so many years for me to realize this.
This whole time I always though that I felt frustrated or angry when someone wouldn’t further explain their point of view to me, even though I was more than accepting to know it regardless of it eventually coincided with mine or disagreed wholeheartedly with mine. But now. The more I emotionally reach around my heart, I realize I just come up with handfuls of the familiar sand particles of tiredness, instead of the sizzling hot pebbles of anger. They (whoever “they” is) say you get more tired as you age, but I feel like I agree with this statement on an emotional level rather than a physical mobility level (if they meant both levels…oh well). The more energy I spend emotionally, learning to be better at accepting criticism (not the same as agreeing with it though) and increasing the different ways to view a topic or thing, the more tired I feel when I don’t complete that mission. It’s as if all the failed attempts just make me more and more tired….. and yet somehow never unwilling. If anything it makes more willing to complete the misson, but I just feel emotionally drained afterwards. As if my voice will never make it to the other side of the sea.
I’m not even sure if what I just typed makes sense to me, ha. I guess I’ll find out when I reread it some days in the future.