To loose the ability…

…to dream is a scary thing for me. Being introduced to one job prospect and never challenging it, simply trying to settle with in it like sugar cubes in a cold coffee cup. Never dissolve, just rearrange, while trying to find some mild comfort. I wish…I wish a lot of things I realize now. It rather frustrates me when people don’t understand 1) how hard it is to come to accept that you don’t have a dream or any dreams anymore and 2) that you can’t even remember how to dream. Yet, I can understand why they struggle to understand or choose not to understand. One can argue it’s a choice

“No one said you had to do this job.”

But the thing is: if you do not know that you have a choice, you cannot make a choice.

I wish…I wish a lot of things I realize now. I wish I hadn’t suppressed myself to meet someone else’s expectations. I wish I had more confidence in who I am and where my heart is. I wish I hadn’t been so complacent. I wish I had embraced my differences before I arrived to this current location. I wish a lot of things I realize now. And although futile to change the past, perhaps, after stripping down these wishes and getting a good detailed look at their roots, I’ll be able to find what I need to start building a dream/dreams again.

“Do you need a dream to survive (in this world)?”

It really depends on what connotation one attaches to the word “dream.” For me, who has always had stars in my eyes and clouds curling into my hair, yes. Yes I do. Because surviving isn’t just a physical body action to me, it’s mental, it’s emotional. It’s a gateway to finding myself.

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