Even though I’m…

…a very emotion invested soul-My sense of empathy feels so deep that I simply refer to myself as an Empath at times haha. Not to say that I hold this label to myself like a pair of handcuffs. Just a nice adjective.

Anyway the point: even though I care deeply about my emotions and the emotions of others, showing my affections, and understanding other people’s affections, it just occurred to me how crazy ironic it is that when someone tells me something along the lines of “I miss you” or “I love you” (platonically), my social awkwardness kicks into overdrive.

It humors me (≧▽≦)ノ

I think I’m so used to reflecting my affection in different nonverbal methods that saying it explicitly without metaphors sincerely takes me by surprise, and for sure is not something I can bring myself to say easily.

I feel so awkward. ._.’ Just so crazy awkward.

Even though usually I do miss the person and do love them (platonically still). As for romantic relationships, my experience is so limited that I can’t really say for sure but it does seem like the habit? characteristic? rolls over into that realm too. I’m still not sure if that was because me and the guy I liked at the time were at different stages of “like” at the time or because I simply felt awkward. I feel like it’s probably prior, but social awkwardness will go into overdrive regardless of the reasoning. I think it was sometime in high school that I decided to not be so afraid of saying my I Love Yous to my friends, because they really meant/mean the world to me. Also, I had watched or read something that scared me about people dying before they can relay their feelings.

How did that go?

Well 4+ years later, I’m still struggling with it haha. But I’ve greatly improved! It also helps that facebook has certain stickers that show affection, so I use those at times. I know it isn’t the same thing as directly saying it, but baby steps, you know? Like baby steps in slow motion that are continuously buffering due to poor internet connection. This whole realization really cracks me up. I, someone with a lot of deep affection for many people, struggle to relay it at times. What a conundrum.

P.S. There is the possibility that because I care so deeply, I’m afraid of saying it so explicitly because then it’s out there in the open for someone to respond back with social awkwardness and possibly reject or show that I was wearing rose-tinted glasses. However, I’m 11 times out of 10 on the receiving end, so I already know their stance…and yet I still struggle…


P.P.S That evidence-backed statistic “11 times out of 10” is not a typo